10.14.15 ♥ 0
The night with the lollipops and ash gold cigarettes.
The last one of those.
Those precious boundless midnight drives.
Down the driveways and headlights of the maps I know so well,
Maps whose lines are blurred with those of the atlas of my mind,
Driving into the deepest canyons of the jealous ebony skies.
Into the abyss of the after hour I leave behind time and my ghosts.
Counting clouds and highs and flashing red lights,
I take captive images and instances and sense of the reflections on the windshield,
Lock them in the wells and safes of my greedy memory
Where they drift the grounds of an infinite ephemerality
And brand the walls of my mind, before they turn to dust,
Betraying and abandoning me amidst the deserts of my desolate soul,
Denying me of their iridescent and scintillating sun,
Alas throwing me back into the stale and apathetic cage of my banality.
I run, run far through the rocky and narrow roads and passages of my mind,
Under the glare of the ceaselessly green stoplight we drive into places unknown,
Charcoal streets of the grounds of our fathers, the familiar streets of our beloved,
Our hearts pulsing as one, as a flock of birds swaying in the winds in pirouettes,
To the harsh rhythm of the engine of the night,
To the sound of our decadent and golden youth.
We drive to create, we drive to remember, we drive to find life.
Each second a new baby is born.
And so it is that the stars align perfectly in a singular idiosyncratic thread at every given second of this world. With every new amalgam of tiny cosmic speckles comes a new life and in that moment and that moment only, we are pre-defined. In that moment, as the constellations read our fates, we are given our course of history that we travel through until we find our way back to the railways and asteroids that constitute the celestial realm.
As he lay my newborn body into her waking arms, ‘may god be with you’, he said, 'she’s a beast this one’. I came into life, in the stubborn way that I still am today, wanting to announce my arrival, assert my presence; I will shake your world, I roared. Literally, I came out roaring, stretching out my untouched lungs, screaming to the world that I was here, calling to my mother, in the same manner I still do today, in my moment of birth into a new big world in which I was stripped naked and left scared. You see, we are born into who we are today. The person that you are in the moment of your coming to life is the person you are today and the person you will be as you vanish into cosmic dust and find your way back to the stars… those marvelous speckles of life and light that write the lines of our lives.
— Margaret Atwood
